Written by Blazing Saddle
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 30 August 2009

image for Lockerbie Bomber Pleads For Political Asylum In UK
F*****g Al Megrahi at f*****g prayers

The Lockerbie bomber is regretting his repatriation to Libya and has asked to return to the United Kingdom.

"This place is a f*****g dump! F*****g sand everywhere and it stinks of crude oil"! These are the main complaints of Abdel Baset Al Megrahi who arrived in Tripoli to a tumultuous welcome last Friday.

Mr Al Megrahi's grasp of current English idiom is impressive and he attributes it to living in a cell with 3 rancid Glaswegians for 5 years. "They taught me a f*****g lot, those Jock twats and I want to get back to my cell to finish my 2000 piece jigsaw of the Forth Bridge".

"I'm dying for a pint and a bacon sandwich and if I ever see another roasted f*****g goat I'll swing for the f****r who cooked it"!

"I just want to get away from the mother-in-law and as for her indoors, well, 8 years of pent-up DIY jobs - my f*****g knees are aching from tiling the bathroom and my hair is full of f*****g plaster dust from remodelling the conservatory. My daughter has f*****g herpes and my f*****g son's f*****g goat herd has caught anthrax from the biological f*****g warfare factory next f*****g door"!

"Some dozy bastard wakes me up at 4am wailing from a tower at the bottom of the f*****g garden and I have to attend f*****g tea parties at the presidential palace where that f*****g nutter Gadaffi insists on presenting me with f*****g "Hero Of f*****g Libya" medals - I've got a bedside drawer full of the f*****g things"!

"No, I've had enough" says Al Megrahi "and I'm on the 8.30 flight to Heathrow. I should be back in my cell by midnight and I can just taste the porridge for breakfast".

Asked if he expected any trouble at Immigration, Mr Al Megrahi explained that Lord Peter f*****g Mangelson, Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every f*****g Pie had fixed it.

Make Blazing Saddle's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 4?

5 15 20 8
67 readers are online right now!

Go to top