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Thursday, 27 August 2009

image for HSE Advises Toilet Door Modifications
Shit happens: Six have drowned in their own faeces this month

The Health and Safety Executive yesterday advised government ministers to legislate in order to avoid further toilet related drowning deaths.

Six men have died in the last month in accidents in public toilets across the UK. Although one was the victim of a diarrhoea related, 'VTOL' incident, the others have been drowned in excrement as a result of being unable to release inward opening doors during ferocious stomach upsets.

A commentator said, "We have to advise action. Too many have drowned in their own faeces. If the fucking doors opened outwards, the pressure of crap would ensure the doors opened, allowing escape. As it is, the weight of urine and excrement only a few inches deep mean people cannot escape."

The Environment Minister, Shirley Frigg, agreed to consider the recommendations. "No one wants to drown in their own excrement. That was a manifesto promise and we will seek to implement the HSE's recommendations as soon as possible. Snorkels are also on the agenda."

Conversely, David Cameron critisised the advice given by the HSE. "This is a market economy and those who choose to shit themselves to death in public toilets only have themselves to blame."

He also said, "TWAT" again.

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