Claire Rayner really has become an agony aunt following a vicious attack by a gang of nurses outside the Jimmy Tarbuck Hospital for Washed Up Comedians. Rayner caused a stir recently when she verbally attacked nurses for the cruel manner and the dreadful way patients were treated. Now a gang of "Hell's Angels" have taken their revenge.
Rayner was left writhing in agony as the nurses really put the boot in. She was savagely beaten with a colostomy bag and a thermometer was shoved with surgical precision right up her pussy. Vets say that her cat only suffered minor injuries and is recovering well.
Rayner spoke after her ordeal. "Oh lovey, it was awful. They were like a pack of wild animals, lovey. I've got bruises all over. It's terrible, and my poor old pussy has never had anything up it in years."
Detective Inspector Sid James said "This sounds like a right old carry on!" and he walked away laughing loudly. The nurses were back inside the hospital working 60 hour weeks for an absolute pittance.