Manchester (Wet Soggy North) The Soviet Union drew up plans for an invasion of Manchester during the Cold War. Professor Cantona of Old Trafford College recently studied the plans. "The detail is amazing. Yes, they used ordinance survey maps and satellite pictures, but they also must have had people on the ground."
The hunt is now on to find the traitors who worked for Soviet intelligence in Manchester in 1974. Security services have already identified one man who they wish to talk to. The Soviet spy masters knew him as Skoob 1999. He is believed to be a lifelong left wing trouble maker. He is thought to have infiltrated the Stretford end as a young boy. People became suspicious because he was very anti-English. He even disliked cricket. Recently he has been spotted in the south of England. Police are watching all off licenses and public houses in a bid to locate him. Police have warned members of the public not to approach him as he is armed with a dangerous sense of humour. Skoob is thought to still have links to the Red Army, though only during the football season.
Vladimir Putin responded by saying "Skoobski was once one of our top men. Now he is no longer part of our intelligence network."