Written by Blazing Saddle
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Tuesday, 25 August 2009

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Criminals caught in the act - but who are they?

One thousand CCTV cameras are used to secure every conviction of every criminal in Britain!

This impressive statistic was provided by the Society Of Camera Retailers And Professionals (SOCRAP) at the society's annual awards dinner.

"This means that each and every individual in the UK is observed up to 300 times a day by the products of our industry" explains SOCRAP president Willy Voyeur.

Lord Mangelson, Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie, in his keynote address stated:

"The CCTV industry is booming thanks to the efforts of our young people. Only if crime continues to increase at present rates can this green shoot of economic recovery continue to flourish".

SOCRAP Camera Salesperson of the Year Arabella binte Frankfurtr, accepting her award said "I want to thank Mum & Dad and all the little people. I dedicate this award to the Guildford shoplifter who has been caught stealing from Boots on 998 separate occasions by one of my cameras. Just 2 more and we'll nab the bastard".

The Dark Lord was heard in the background asking if the cameras had recorded the little shit who had stolen his haemorrhoid cushion as he was making his speech

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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