The town of Rochdale, in Lancashire, England, has declared that Christmas is to to be celebrated on the 22nd of August this year. Local mayor, Stan Halfwit, said "This will make a substantial saving for the people of Rochdale. We are all as tight as old arseholes up here so avoiding the big Christmas spend is to be applauded."
Locals have decided to put up festive decorations and celebrate now in a bid to avoid any overspend. The glitter and tinsel has been provided by the local council. The plan is that Rochdale will celebrate now with a rather modest party and then get back to work. The slogan "It's always Christmas in Rochdale" has been adopted by the local tourist board. They are expecting a sudden influx of tourism with visitor figures expected to rise to at least seven over this summer!
"We are the town that Santa loves" said Nora Bonkers, Rochdale's Miss Crazy Bitch for the last five years. If Santa really does exist does he come down the 'eh up our chimney'?