The chair of British Boxing, Sir Tim Gitt, yesterday praised the decision to include women's boxing in London 2012 as,"a great opportunity for Team GB."
"We are guaranteed to top the medal tables in 2012 because we have the best female pugilists in the world. They train week in, week out, in every kebab shop, wine bar and high street in the country every Friday and Saturday night."
The 2012 committee had earlier announced that it had relaxed the rules regarding kits to be used in women's boxing. High heels, mini skirts and excessive makeup will be permitted, as will abusive language and venereal disease.
Justin Twattim, Senior Womens Boxing Coach for Team GB stated, "Our girls will beat the fucking crap out of everyone. These girls scare the living piss out of me so it is only right they are set loose on foreigners. We will spend the next year looking at criminal records before selecting the final squad."
When asked about preparation for the event, Twattim sought to make assurances. "The girls will not be phased by the television coverage. They are filmed every evening by CCTV and their performances analysed by the police and later magistrates."
The issue of performance enhancing drugs was also addressed by Mr Twattim. "Lambrini, Vodka and cheap lager are not yet banned so we will use them. We will also make use of loud music, Baccardi Breezers and arguments with or about boyfriends immediately before the fight. This will ensure our girls are 'in the zone'. The medals will then roll in."