Recent reports of a spate of Ipod explosions have triggered an investigation by police and anti-terror agencies throughout Europe.
The authorities fear that it is only a matter of time until the "IBomb" - a nickname for official use only - becomes a prevalent threat on our streets.
"It is only a matter of time before some teenager, skateboarding, oblivious to everything, on a busy pavement, weaving between the pushchairs and prams, is decapitated by the explosion of his mp3 player" says Inspector Blackberrie of the elite Metropolitan Police Anti-Teenager Squad.
"The devices are manufactured in Far-Eastern sweatshops where the explosive mixture is hidden in the batteries" explains Inspector Blackberrie "and the terrorists have now perfected the weapon and exported it to Europe in large numbers".
Recent explosions in Europe have resulted in the burning of cars, the near-scalding of a dog and a French teenager "getting something in his eye".
The device is triggered by any cool modern music (or rap) and once triggered the explosion is certain but not predictable in time.
"We must take action to rid our streets of this threat" resumes Inspector Blackberrie "so all adults are from now on authorised to confiscate any IPod from any teenager".
A free download is available from www.gordonbrownsrecordcollection.gov.uk that is sufficiently uncool as to instantly defuse the devices.