Written by Lightning Conductor
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Tuesday, 18 August 2009

image for Kerry Katona on Ice - Chicago Pimp outbids Colombians for Katona's Services!
Katona (2nd from the left) caught on CCTV sneaking into the USA

Just as the nation of Colombia thought it'd captured the services of Kerry Katona, a distant relative of Barrack Obama, a Pimp Daddy, formally known as "Omar Dimples the Third" has put in a higher counter bid for her services!

Omar would only give us a brief statement - As the words written and sung by Michael Jackson go, "Hey, The Bitch is mine"!

Katona admitted that she loved the feeling that being "on Ice" gave her and that she was ready to fill the spot recently vacated by Whitney Houston who is now earning mega bucks doing the "Clean living thing"!

I really want to be "Omar's Bitch", admitted the once famous star in her annoying whiney Scouse accent.

Katona's whereabouts are a closely guarded secret but she is believed to be hiding in the utility room of her mansion.

A spokesman told our reporter that there's no truth in the rumour Jack Tweed was spotted lurking outside her house after spotting yet another opportunity to get rich!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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