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Monday, 17 August 2009

image for Seven car pile up on the A30 near Okehampton caused by bear (?) 12 Girl Guides injured
Imafa Tass, the 17-year-old Girl Guide injured in seven car pile up on westbound A30 speaking to her boyfriend from hospital

OKEHAMPTON, Devon - Twelve tourists, all Girl Guides from Prestwick, were injured, three seriously enough to require hospitalization, in a seven car pile up on the Westbound A30, late Sunday afternoon. Nine others were treated, and released, at the Okehampton Medical Center.

The Girl Guides were in route to a summer camp within the confines of Dartmoor National Park, 22 miles south-east of Okehampton, when the accident occurred at 6:35 p.m. BST.

Witness claimed "a large gopher-or small bear-crossed the A30, just ahead of the caravan of Girl Guides, causing the lead van to slam on its breaks to avoid striking the animal." The remaining six cars then plowed into the first vehicle, and into each other, PC's said in the accident report released to TheSpoof.com.

"We believe that the creature was, in fact, a very rare, three-striped, grey mini-bear," said a naturalist from Dartmoor National Park. The scientist handed out photographs of the creature, known to taxonomists as Lariscus insignis (F. Cuvier, 1821) - commonly called a three-striped ground squirrel.

"Actually, we are quite shocked to find this exotic animal in the UK. These creatures are native to the land mass and island nations of South Asia," said the biologist who concluded, "It must have been brought into the area by some collector, then released into the wild."

"Accidents are common occurrences on this heavily wooded, and equally heavily traveled, stretch of highway," police told reporters. Tourists flock here in the warmer summer moths to watch the various animals that inhabit the forest.

"And, quite often, they just stop in the middle of the roadway when they catch sight of a deer, or lynx, or even a box turtle," the accident investigators told us. "Rear-end collisions are inevitable."

"The most seriously injured Girl Guide was 17-year-old Imafa Tass, who somehow managed to become impaled upon the floor mounted shift lever," said EMT Iveseen Itallnow, who used bolt cutters to cut through the metal shifter, and extract the Girl Guide from the wrecked van.

"It was lodged deep inside her…woo hoo; but how the devil she came to be atop the gear shift is beyond my ability to speculate," he said just before laughing his ass off.

The young woman was evacuated by helicopter to the London Women's Gynecological Hospital where she had surgery to remove the shifter, and repair, and retighten her woo hoo. She is expected to be released soon.

Her OB/GYN told us, "She'll be better than ever. We tightened up her loose man-trap better than a 4-year-old's. She'll make some young man VERY happy!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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