Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Crime, Theft, diamonds

Sunday, 16 August 2009

image for Mayfair Diamond Heist - Latest
Some Loot, Pictured Yesterday.

Police today admitted that they are no nearer making arrests in the Graff £40 million Mayfair jewellery robbery than they were a week ago.

Two men, wearing movie style sfx make-up entered the store, then produced guns and made off with a £40million haul in a holdall, firing warning shots as they fled the scene, using a female Graff employee as a human shield.

Despite the offer of a £1million reward, the police have met with nothing other than a resounding silence.

DCI Sting, of the Police Hovering Squad, told us:

"At the moment, we have no idea who these men are, but we remain convinced that some thieving, criminally-inclined bastard will break ranks and grass these people up.

"Our main concern is that the public will regard these villains as modern day Robin Hoods. There's nothing big or clever about half-inching £40million worth of jewellery from a posh Mayfair jewellers.

"We'll catch these people. Just you wait and see."

The investigation was last known to be switching its attention to the Spoof International News Group (SING) an arm of popular satirical website theSpoof.com, four of whose reporters have mysteriously vanished without trace in the last few days.

DNA tests are being carried out on items related to the robbery, including a handgun abandoned by the robbers.

"We'll never catch them," admitted PC Dick Twatt. "Sometimes we have difficulty finding our own arses with both hands and a torch."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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