Written by Blazing Saddle
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Friday, 14 August 2009

image for No Parking Space For More Army Helicopters In Afghanistan
Armed helicopters are often illegally parked on the ground floor of this multi

In a surprising development, the Chief Traffic Warden for Helmand Province in Afghanistan has issued a dictat that no additional helicopters may be parked in his territory.

"I am sick of these arrogant pilots parking in disabled spaces when they have no blue badges" says Abdul bin Achmed from his luxurious downtown office.

"Some of them even park in mother/toddler spaces and as yet none of my wardens have seen a kiddie seat in the back of an Apache attack helicopter!"

Mr Achmed has issued stern warnings to his elite force of uniformed wardens.

"They are to issue tickets for every parking infringement. Casualty evacuation and re-arming are not acceptable excuses for parking on double yellow lines"!

Mr Achmed was asked to give recent examples of offences by Allied pilots.

"One of them landed at Tesco's on Tuesday. He ran into the store and bought a couple of Hellfire missiles. When my warden pointed out that he was parked in a suicide bomber bay he reportedly replied - "well, there isn't one around at the moment, so what"? "My man was lenient" explains Mr Achmed" "We cut his balls off and let him go with a warning".

The Ministry of Defence has reluctantly accepted that no more helicopters should be delivered to Afghanistan and has issued instructions that all aircrew are liable for their own parking fines.

A Ministry spokesman announced that the government desperately wants to send more helicopters, as the soldiers really need them "but ministers cannot be held responsible for increasing the parking problem in-country, therefore the helicopters will be withheld for now".

Taleban clamping companies are said to be anticipating a bonanza.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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