Written by Blazing Saddle
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Friday, 14 August 2009

image for Today Programme To Govern In Place Of Parliament
Gordon Brown announces his retirement

Today programme presenters are cock-a-hoop at the announcement by Gordon Brown that he has invited James Humphries to form a government.

"I realised whilst on holiday that the Today team are much more on top of things than the Cabinet and that, frankly, James Humphries has much more credibility and charisma than me, so sod it, I'm off" stated Mr Brown in an emotionless diatribe.

Prime Minister James Humphries has issued the following statement:

"The invitation to govern is well-timed and the best thing for the country.

Today programme presenters have consistently demonstrated that they know better than any politician, of any party, for many years and it is timely that this quality has been recognised.

I will govern in the true spirit of coalition and will co-operate with all to achieve true consensus in matters of policy.

My Cabinet will be selected from the most able people in the country and will certainly include all members of the Today team except that wanker Evan Davis who couldn't even sort out that poof Mangelson the other morning.

Gordon Brown is to retire to spend more time with his stuffed budgerigar collection and Mangelson is to be our Ambassador to Iran, where he will fit in nicely with the Avadmedinnerdad regime.

My first policy announcement is that the BBC is to be abolished. After all, we don't want that bunch of Leftist twats thinking they can run the country, do we"?

Deputy Prime Minister, Jeremy Paxman, was too busy sneering at and patronising 19-year-old University Challenge contestants to comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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