Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Police, Theft

Monday, 7 September 2009

image for £200,000 Robbery Re-enactment Ends In £200,000 Robbery
Police - they're idiots, aren't they?

A expert team of crime investigators who staged a re-enactment of a violent £200,000 armed robbery in a Kensington high street last month, were left with egg on their faces when the 'robbers' escaped with £200,000-worth of jewellery.

The incident happened as police from the Met attempted to faithfully recreate the exact same conditions that existed when two masked men daringly held up the Bling Bling Jewellery Shop in broad daylight in the plush London borough in August.

Mr Sikander Bahkt, the proprietor, and a Paki, was bound with twine and gagged with electrical tape whilst his assailants made off with the stash of gold and silver jewellery. Insurance experts valued the loss at more than £200,000.

In yesterday's re-enactment, two men similar in appearance to the original robbers were used, dressed in the same clothes, and shouting the same threats.

Several other members of the public were also hired to act as bystanders.

The robbers entered the premises at precisely 9.01, just as Mr Bahkt was opening the shop and, to script, bound him with twine and gagged him with electrical tape before making off with a pre-prepared bundle of gold and silver jewellery.

Roadblocks were set up which delayed commuters for hours, but the 'robbers' were, by this time, sat at home in front of the fire with their slippers on, and a mug of cocoa.

Police say CCTV footage is 'grainy at best', and that, without a public appeal for information and another re-enactment, there is little chance of catching the robbers.

Mr Bahkt told our reporter later:

"That's twice in a month!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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