Written by Frankie The J
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Thursday, 13 August 2009

image for America doesn't care where Beckham plays: "Just take both of them Beckhams away!"
American children kicking a stupid ball

AMSTERDAM (AFP) - While David Beckham has pretty much decided against a return to the Premier League, insisting instead he'd rather play for AC Milan when he leaves LA Galaxy at the end of the Major League Soccer season, American soccer fans (all six of them) just want him and his pug-ugly wife, Victoria, "deported the fuck outta here!"

"I talked with the other five season ticket holders back in LA, and we all think soccer sucks," said Brad Pitiful, President of the LA Galaxy Fan Club. "The game just goes on and on and on and on, and what is worse, it has infected US kids. Instead of playing Little League Baseball, or Pee Wee Football, they spend hours kicking a fucking ball about. That's just un-American," Pitiful said in an Amsterdam Airport press conference.

"Well, I agree about that part, Brad," said Natty Bumpo, the Galaxy Fan Club Treasurer; "but on the bright side, that stupid game does keep our faggy kids and insipid wives out of our hair for hours on end. In that respect, I feel soccer has a lot to offer American men."

"What I'd really like someone to explain to me is what the game of Cricket is all about-in terms I can understand. There are more fuggin rules to that game than Carter has Liver Pills," said Pitiful.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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