HMP Belmarsh - (Jim'll Fix It Mess): A hale and chipper Ronnie Biggs was still partially comatose today after knocking back yet more gallons of prescription Stolly-Bollies*.
A five day bender celebrating of his 80th birthday get-out-of-jail card/telegram from the Queen on Saturday had unexpectedly got a real filip this evening.
Biggs' old mucker, Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi, had just got the nod for a August 15, Omagh eleventh bombing anniversary release from HMP Killikrankie.
"Farkin ell!" the octogenarian chortled as publicist Max Clifford prepared to whisk him off to the Ritz for a right royal televised piss-up.
Al-Megrahi will be out of the slammer on compassionate grounds.
His terminal prostrate cancer is confidently predicted to do a major vanishing act the minute he walks out of the prison compound.
Meanwhile Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe is an even money chance be released next week in recognition of the terminal brain defect that is now reaching its proper conclusion.
Ian Brady, Ian Huntley, eat yer heart out.
* 50/50 Stolichnaya+Bollinger Grande Cuvee