Osama Bin Laden, the leader of the terrorist group Al-Quada, has finally been found in Chiskwick. The Afghanistani was spotted squatting in an abandoned Ford Fiesta in Chiswick Tesco Car park. After investigating, police discovered that Mr Bin Laden was not in fact a terrorist in any or indeed responsible for the US attack of September 11th.
Mr Bin had been banished from his home country by the Taliban after he was spotted eating mushy peas, a delicacy banned under the Taliban's rule, and was not allowed to return to Afghanistan. Mr Bin Laden is quoted as saying "(translator was ill) ".
A spokesperson for Scotland Yard's anti-terrorist unit was quick to speak out. "This is truly, truly embarassing for us, and we would really like to apologise to Mr Bin for the slight misunderstanding with the whole 'most hated, feared and sought after man in the world' thing," a spokesman told TheSpoof.com.
"He does not, however, have a British passport, so we will therefore treat him as an aslyum seeker, by leaving him suspended on a fence by the channel tunnel for a couple of weeks, then lock him up in a detention centre. For not having a book. Thinking about it, that's pretty silly, isn't it?"
Attention now turns to the second most wanted man in the world, Rolf Harris, who the Pentagon in the US belive conducted the September 11th attacks. His motive is thought to be that he is annoyed at everyone taking the mick out of his unfeasibly large chin, the fact that he is Australian and that frightening and no doubt arrestable act that he does with a bit of cardboard.