Notorious train robber and long time refugee from justice Ronnie Biggs, recently released from prison on compassionate grounds, has expressed his disappointment after visiting the Kent seaside town of Margate.
"I could have lived out my days abroad, sipping sangria in the sun, but instead I came home and handed myself in, just for a chance to enjoy a pint in a Margate pub.
"What was I thinking? Margate has to be the worst sh*thole I have ever visited in all my days. The streets are littered with dog mess, the beach is rinsed in sewage, the pubs are all owned by some two bit local gangster who waters down the beer, and the closest the place came to entering into contemporary culture was a 1980s hit single by Chas'n'Dave."
Asked whether he felt he would have been better off remaining in Brazil, Biggs replied that even a prison cell with a bucket for a toilet and an axe murderer for a cellmate was preferable to a night out in Margate.