Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Old People, Pensions

Saturday, 8 August 2009

image for State Pension Age To Hit 100
Caution: Old Guy Getting Fisted By A Nurse!

The government today announced that the state pension age will rise to 100. Angela Eagle, the bird in charge of pensions said "50 is definitely the new 30. People are living longer so it is only fair that we flog them to death for longer. We want to get as much money from them as we can."

The only job where early retirement will remain an option is as an MP. Politicians will be able to claim a useless tosser allowance if they are voted out of office. This will be £100K per year for as long as they live. Angela Eagle, the bird who introduced this law said "I resign!"

Many people face the prospect of working forever. If you are an accountant this is not such a bad thing. (A) You are a boring fucker who wouldn't know what to do with your retirement. (B) You can retire early because you don't have much work to do. But do we want 70 year old bus drivers? Do you want to visit a geriatric hairdresser who shakes so much you end up like the last of the mohicans? No! This is not for us. Next thing we know that old witch Thatcher will be standing for Prime Minister again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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