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Friday, 7 August 2009

image for Great train robber Ronnie Biggs is freed
A modern-day train robber, or 'on-board shop manager' as they are now known

The Home Secretary, The Rt. Hon. Jock Strap, has today granted a pardon to the former great train robber Ronnie Biggs.

Mr Strap said that Mr Biggs was free to pack his bags and leave his home for the past few months, ward 4, bed 2, (no mobiles allowed please because we want you to use the £4 a minute Patient Call system and to think they accused Mr Biggs of robbery) of the Norfolk and Norwich University hospital.

However one of the conditions of the pardon is that Mr Biggs opens and signs the official pardon letter himself, packs his own bags and leaves by the back door.

Mr Biggs, who is unable to eat, speak or walk, was told the good news by family members, including son Michael who shouted the good news down Mr Bigg's ear for almost an hour with no discernable response.

He said: "Although my dad showed no emotion on hearing the good news, mainly because he's a little on the comatose side, we could tell by the increase in the sounds made by his heart monitor, kidney dialysis machine and iron lung that he was thrilled to bits.

"The nurses have all been wonderful, and upon hearing of my dad's release they immediately held a collection, and this morning he was presented with 17 colostomy bag refills, a Hornby Mail Train model set, 300 cotton buds and an assortment of incontinence products as a parting gift from staff."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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