Dramatic breaking news from Hampshire, UK as police swooped on the residence of a local man in the wee small hours, who also happens to be a contributor to satirical website TheSpoof.com.
A number of jars of strange 'glowing in the dark' chemicals were found under the man's kitchen sink. In a cupboard.
Police officers removed the suspect from the premises before a team of officers in chemical warfare gear went into the kitchen and removed some really weird jars filled with unidentified toxic substances that glow in the dark.
The suspect was heard saying:
"They're not my chemicals! My father before me kept them in a cupboard under his sink too! I inherited them when he went senile and had to be put in a care home! He used to keep them in a cupboard under the sink too! I didn't know what else to do with them!"
A king cobra was also removed from the premises.
A Hampshire police spokeswoman (we assume it was a woman because she was wearing a dress and had ladybumps on her chest - rather large firm ones actually) told us:
"We can't have people keeping chemicals that glow in the dark under their kitchen sinks. It's just not on. These chemicals are a strange mix of pink, ultramarine, and turquoise. And they glow in the dark."
Reports that the suspect was planning to paint the lines of a tennis court on an adjoining parking area so he could indulge in a game of tennis in the dark were ridiculed by concerned neighbours.
"He's always been weird," one pointed out. "Usually we all point at him in the street and laugh. Then throw things at him."
More on this extraordinary story as we get it.