Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 6 August 2009

image for Pirate Captain's Portsmouth Ordeal
Ain't Never Going Back There. Uh Huh.

The notorious pirate ship Captain, Morse, got more than he bargained for today when he stopped off for a goodwill visit to the Royal Navy Dockyards in Portsmouth, UK.

Captain Morse and his good lady wife were pounced upon by the local wildlife, in the shape of a dodgy looking bastard wearing a long black leather coat on The Hard in Portsmouth, and frogmarched into a salty seadog bar where they were forced to drink beer (apart from Mrs Morse, who just wanted water, probably due to dehydration from overconsumption the previous night) and bullied into indulging in conversation with the mad bastard in the long coat and his consort, who had been 'lurking suspiciously' inside.

A rather nervous Captain Morse was warned not to reach for his flintlock, as the nefarious couple had him covered.

Captain Morse co-operated with his abductors and was even forced into eating fish and chips, though sadly with garden peas as opposed to northern staple, mushy peas.

Sadly, just as the notorious pirate captain thought that by his good conduct, his release was secured, he was kidnapped yet again by a harlot named Pompey Lil.

He was charged half a crown and made to stand in line to be serviced. Down a back alley. Much to his chagrin.

Eventually, the Cap and his Mrs fled the scene in a horse drawn hansom carriage driven by some guy named Bruce. At breakneck speed.

Captain Morse commented:

"How the hell did we ever win the war of independence against these crazy limey nutjobs?"

Last reported heading for Deutschland on a big pirate ship with a view to taking over all of Western Europe. Except the UK.

"Screw that," an exhausted Captain told this reporter. "They're all NUTS!"

More as we get it.

Thanks Cap and Mrs Morse for a lovely couple of hours.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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