Holidaymakers in various parts of Europe have been taken ill by what appears to be a mutant version of swine flu.
Symptoms include severe headaches, tiredness, vomiting and a general malaise. Projectile vomiting appears to be the first symptom, however this is preceded by a feeling of euphoria that causes the victim to participate in strange ritualistic behaviour. This includes attempting to dance, talking like a complete twat to the opposite sex and an urge to sing in a loud discordant voice.
The vast majority of victims are under 30, and come from the UK. The illness appears to be attacking only those of low IQ. Spanish and Greek resorts appear to be worst affected.
One clue as to the origin of the illness is the clear connection with groups of rowdy youths in wine bars. The illness has therefore been dubbed 'Wine flu'.
It is thought that many workers in the UK have also been suffering. Employers have reported vast numbers of absent employees calling in stating 'It's wine flu'. Monday is the worst affected day. Fortunately, the illness appears to last for just a day or so.