A sixteen carat dinosaur coprolite said to be "absolutely flawless" is set to be auctioned off on Saturday, August 9, 2009, by famed auction house Fistme of London. Lord Basil Aneurysm, Royal Proctologist to the Royal Family, found the coprolite in a small rock and fossil shop in Boulder City, Nevada, during a recent Las Vegas medical convention.
"When I saw that dinodookie, I was absolutely flabbergasted," said Lord Aneurysm. "I immediately snatched it up and offered the proprietor of the Fossil Shoppe $20,000,000 US for it. Strangely enough, the man sold it to me for only $2.95, plus tax," the proctologist crowed to reporters.
Lord Aneurysm paid an additional $3,000 US to have a gemologist cut the twenty-five carat rough gem into its final sixteen carat, flawless, brown, star cabochon. Deb O'Nair, Fistme's top auctioneer, told TheSpoof.com, "This is the best shit we've ever had come up for auction in my thirty years at Fistme."
Rumors that Queen Elizabeth II has already bid on the ring have yet to be confirmed. "You'll just have to find out when everyone else does," said Ms. O'Nair.
A coprolite is fossilized dung found in areas where dinosaurs roamed. Human coprolites have turned up in many places throughout Britain including the famous Roman sites outside London.
TheSpoof.com contacted the Boulder City Fossil Shoppe where Lord Aneurysm purchased the piece of shit. The proprietor, Imno Moron, told us by telephone, "That guy don't know shit about shit! I have tons of the crap for sale."