And lo, as it was written in the scripture of St James (Park), Sir Bobby Robson did rise again from the dead on the third day.
And to a position of non-executive director was he appointed, to sit at the right hand of the chairman (known as God). And verily was his mission to lead the faithful - both black and white (striped) - out of the wilderness. "Where I see (championship) division I will bring (Premiership league) order" He said.
Of course, there are some who need proof. (Doubting) Thomas Docherty, from the Diocese of Manchester, said: "I will believe when I have stuck my fingers up at him"
The current vicar of St James Park, the Rev. Alan de Shearer, said: "Sir Bobby, he was a (Sir Freddy) Shepherd of the flock. If has risen, may it be as an impenetrable back four."
Mike Ashley said: "Will someone just buy the sodding club. Please."