Umer Khalid feared Taliban leader and famed warrior of Pakistan's North West Frontier suddenly reappeared some ten months after the Pakistani Army confirmed that they'd captured and killed to him death!
Mr.Khalid explained to our reporter that he'd been doing his Gap year at the Royal Horticultural Society's HQ in Wisley, Surrey where he'd continued his botanical studies specialising in the Poppy.
Mr.Khalid apologised as he nipped out to behead a couple of Pakistani Policemen before returning to pour our reporter a nice cup of tea served in proper China with a slice of Dundee cake (A big favourite in Waziristan!).
When questioned as to how he'd evaded British Security he explained that he'd simply swapped his first and last names...No one has been looking for a "Khalid Umer" have they?, he winked knowingly whilst helping himself to
another slice of cake.
Would you like to join us?, he enquired trying to convince me that the Taliban had superior cake and always drank from the finest China teacups.
C'mon he whispered, our cake is better than the American Twinkie and they only have coffee in plastic cups as he tried hard to convince me to join his gang.