We've just heard that a drunk English idiot today fell off his bike, becoming entangled in a shrubbery type bush before emerging wearing a scratched face and a stupid grin.
The idiot, allegedly a contributor to satirical website theSpoof.com who cannot be named for legal reasons had been on a cycle ride with his charming wife in a keep-fit fit of frenzy.
They visited their daughter for a while after tackling some steep inclines with much huffing and puffing.
Which is where the rot set in.
The fool thought it would be fine to consume half a dozen cans of Belgium's finest, thinking he would still be in good shape for the cycle ride home.
Cycling along a country lane, the fool looked behind to check that his wife was keeping up, got hit in the face by a low hanging tree branch and lost control of his bicycle.
The fool was flung arse over tit into a bush.
The wife almost collapsed in hysterical tears of laughter, but managed to continue regardless.
The fool then remounted the bicycle in a misguided attempt to salvage some dignity. The fool realised at this point that he was in no fit state to cycle on the nation's highways, so the idiot took to the pavement.
Huge tactical error.
The fool was progressing at a steady clip when three blonde haired females suddenly appeared in front of him, forcing him to brake sharply and go arse over tit over the handlebars for a second time!
After bashing his head on the unyielding concrete surface, the cyclist, by now somewhat dazed, dragged himself to his feet, only to find himself confronted by what he assumed was a blonde woman and her two daughters.
"What are you DOING? You IDIOT?" one of the daughters exclaimed.
"Ah go fuck yourself," the cyclist responded.
The idiot cyclist has put cycling on hold for now.
Mrs Skoob took the piss for days on end.
More cycling related silliness as we get it.