Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: UK, Invasion

Thursday, 30 July 2009

image for Killer Siberian Chipmunk Invasion Results In UK Lockdown
Not Really A Vicious Siberian Chipmunk - But It Will Have To Do.

The United Kingdom, which has endured invasions by Romans, William the Conqueror, Vikings, and successfully resisted Adolf Hitler's blitz, has finally been trampled down. By Siberian Chipmunks.

The pesky little critters have the usually plucky Brits in a total blue funk.

City streets in the UK were today deserted as frightened Brits barricaded themselves indoors in an attempt to avoid the cheeky little Siberian rodents.

Dave Twatt, from Coventry, who was the funniest guy a Spoof writer's wife ever met, as documented months ago, told us from his letter box:

"I haven't actually seen one yet. But I've heard about them. I've phoned in to work sick, we've stocked up on baked beans and corned beef. We're not coming out until they go away. I've heard they're really vicious. Like mad rats. Not the cute and cuddly things they appear to be. Here, did you hear the one about..."

We had to terminate that interview as sirens sounded warning of marauding chipmunks, and leg it to our van, which is white, the same as road rage prone white van driver and Spoof reporter Fergus McCarthy's van.

After cowering for a while, fearful of chipmunks which didn't actually materialise, we finally plucked up courage to drive the van down the motorway into central London.

What we found there amazed us. Central London was deserted, obviously the citizenry were petrified about vicious chipmunkery. The only person we saw was a lone man outside The Blind Beggar public house in Whitechapel, striding purposefully towards Brick Lane.

Winding the window down, we asked what he was doing and why he wasn't hiding from the chipmunk invaders. He told us:

"I'm orf to collect me pie, mash and liquer. Chipmunks? Are you takin' the piss? Go orn, fack orf before I gives you a fackin' slap. Twat."

Apart from this plucky, clearly homicidally inclined chappie, the rest of the UK cowered behind closed doors. Panicked by the invasion of the killer chipmunks.

More chipmunk related chicanery as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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