George Elliot, 52, has been a compulsive farter for the past 20 years of his life after overdosing on All Bran while holidaying in magical Leeds.
His wife Eileen has put up with his flatulence for this long but upon receiving news that her sister in Australia is coming home for a short visit after being away for the best part of two decades, she has urged her husband to find some way of disguising his 'bottom burps'.
George has gone out to the local furniture superstore and bought a large leather sofa that will be his appointed 'base' for the incumbent visit.
"I've told him he mustn't move a muscle form that sofa until the day my sister Edna leaves. He must eat, sleep, drink and watch the telly entirely from that chair otherwise my poor sister will notice I've married a farter ", said Eileen today.
George demonstrated his evasive techniques:
"I shift to the side ever so slightly and fart, then I blame it on the leather cushioning. If I fire off a repeater - which I occasionally do after a nice curry - I say that the sofa is hollow and that will lead to multiple echoes. I have it all planned out!", said stinky George.