Joanna Lumley, the well-known former Gurkha soldier gender reassignment and height enhancement celebrity is to leave the United Kingdom forever.
"As Rifleman Limbahadur Gurung, I served this country well" Ms Lumley stated from her lofty vantage point on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square, "and I expected this country to honour my sacrifice".
Ms Lumley went on to explain that she had entered the Secret Service together with big pouffe Patrick McNee and that the Avengers, a well-known 1970's TV series had in fact been a documentary.
"I have not even been invited to parachute into the Big Brother house - and, let's face it, next to escorting Dark Lord Mangelson to a ball (charity or raffle) there is no further to sink".
Ms Lumley went on to comment that her veterans pension was a disgrace and the medals would not fit the gas meter.
"No Damehood! No MBE! Screw 'em - I'm orf back to that darling little island hideaway they filmed me in - you remember - I used my bra for slippers! They didn't dare show what I used my