Written by Blazing Saddle
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Tuesday, 21 July 2009

image for Jeremy Clarkson and Susan Boyle To Divorce
Rhino horn to be used by Clarkson to get Richard Hammond to stand erect

It has today been announced that Jezza and Subo are to go their separate ways.

Citing irreconcilable differences, Susan has applied for a divorce - even though they have been married for less than 2 weeks.

The judge has questioned the short duration of the marriage and asked if it had been consummated.

"That's the problem" Susan answered "he's consummating all the time! I haven't bothered with knickers since we came back from honeymoon".

Despite a busy schedule filming and researching for Top Gear, Clarkson has had time to wear his genitalia to a stump during the marriage. He is to have Richard (Dick) Hammond grafted to his groin to provide a substitute (smaller) penis.

Richard Hammond has refused to comment, but a spokesperson has stated that, depending on which way round Hammond is attached to Clarkson, they will decide whether or not to use James May's wig as pubic hair.

A replacement Top Gear presenter is being sought and applications should be made on a postcard to

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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