Written by simosimes
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Topics: Crime

Saturday, 18 July 2009

The fear of crime surveys has overtaken anxiety over almost all crimes a survey revealed yesterday.

The publication conducted by on behalf of Catchall Incontinence Solutions and DAT Security showed that the perceived risk of being asked questions by a prick at the door overtook all crimes other than buggery and genocide. This is the first time that the fear of fear rousing bullshit has overtaken genuine fear of genuine frightening crime in recent years.

The survey was conducted over the course of 1 day and involved knocking on the door of over 5 bungalows in a quiet residential area of Bromsgrove. Although the research states it does not rely on statistically unsound assumptions, it does cite individual responders such as, "Fuck off and leave us alone."

One more co-operative resident agreed to have her comments published. "I have not been set on fire, bum raped or burnt to death at all since I was moved to this accommodation. However, every day that this doesn't happen and every crime survey means it is more likely to happen tomorrow. The bastards may get me but not with my knickers off."

The survey comes on the back of a number of other crime surveys that conclude that the other crime surveys were surveys about crime.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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