45-year-old Virgin Shalom Cohen from Tooting, London, who changed his name to Osama Nevir Laden, after converting to Islam 4 years ago, has finally achieved his spiritual goal by changing the name once more to Osama Bin Laden.
The great day occurred two weeks ago after dating a 25-year-old girl from Tower Hamlets, East London called Rafia.
"It was amazing," crowed Osama. "We went to the pictures and watched the latest 'Fast and Furious' movie. Afterwards, Rafia invited me back to her digs and after a couple of lagers and a packet of crisps, I finally got laid."
It is uncertain why Rafia offered herself to such a weird, ugly and quite frankly smelly individual, but MI5 claim, she works for a Muslim terrorist cell who are desperately seeking new recruits.
"The terrorist honey-trap is all the rage," said agent 'X'. "Sex is proving to be their most potent weapon."
Meanwhile Bin Laden is basking in his success. "I came twice," he boasted. "Her bedroom was full of bomb-making equipment, but she told me these were her sex toys."
A few days later Rafia was charged for owning exploding dildos.