In a desperate bid to plumb new depths the great British redtops have announced that, had he not become a professional footballer, Manchester United ace Wayne Rooney would have become a priest!
It seems that Rooney was more interested in Religeous Studies at school than any other subject.
Which seems strange to us at the Spoof.com, given his penchant for patronising brothels and his unerring ability to join in a big fight whenever the opportunity presents itself.
Wayne would make a priest in the Father Jack Hackett mould, as in "GIRLS! NUNS! DRINK!" in this reporter's opinion.
It's not hard to imagine Wayne - who looks more like a boxer than a footballer - in his priestly robes fucking up a baptism and throwing the baby against the church wall in a fit of pique.
Before storming out and knocking the candles over.
More as we get it.