Written by Earl Grey

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Topics: Boris Johnson

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

image for Mayor of London Clucking Mad
Keep That Fucker Away From My Grub

Boris Johnson has gone clucking mad. That is the opinion of Londoners this evening. Earlier today old bonking Boris was asked about his other job as a newspaper columnist. The pay is in the region of £250, 000 per year. Johnson's response was typical. "Lummey, whoops. Crikey! Found out by a cad of the highest order, what. Jibber jabber. Look, £250 000 is just chicken feed. Actually I'm so mad all I eat is chicken feed. And I poop lots, just like a real chicken does. Am I really a chicken? Give me the paxo, baby. Go on stuff it right up me."

Boris Johnson has been mayor of London far longer than anyone thought he would last. However, his latest outburst once again illustrates just how out of touch he is with reality. One local resident, recently moved from Leatherhead in Surrey is Dick Phillpot. "I wrote to the Mayor. I wanted to know what he was going to do about my campaign to have two flies on a pair of trousers rather than one. You see I've got two penises......."

Is Johnson suffering from Bird flu? Should we give him the bird ("Oh yes, if she's a goer, parp parp!"). Should he pay the bill?

Who came first? (The Mayor, every time).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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