Written by Earl Grey
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Sunday, 12 July 2009

image for Holy Job Cuts! God Announces Redundancies
Bishop Phillpot Was Out On His Arse After 25 Years

God has admitted that the recession has hit harder than even He knew it would. "I can't be expected to know everything" He said "I need to make some cuts. At first I'm just going to make cuts in the Protestant wing of the business. The Vatican brings in much more cash."

God called a meeting with the managing director of CofE Industries, Dr Rowan Williams. The list of redundancies was handed down from on high. "Go forth and subtract, my son" said God "Spread the Bad News".

Williams was left with little choice. Although he would be unpopular with the workers it would be unlikely that they would turn him into a pillar of salt. Unlike you know who. Even if the bottom had recently fallen out of the salt market.

Williams was disappointed but remained philosophical. "It's not easy working for someone who may or may not exist. But at least nobody storms into the office and says that they want to see the boss."

God may move in mysterious ways, but even he can't avoid the recession. He was thinking of sending His son down again. However, with the shortage in house building and the large amount of cheap foreign labour available it is unlikely that a carpenter would find much work.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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