Swine flu has triggered a deadly new strain of indifference in the UK population, the Health Protection Agency Warned today.
Mild cases produce an overwhelming desire to yawn and do not require medical attention.
More extreme cases have resulted in people turning off the TV news and not buying newspapers.
Now there are fears that the indifference could escalate into boredom.
"A post mortem examination is currently underway on a man who appears to have died of boredom while watching the Ten O Clock News," said a Health Protection Agency spokesman. "If that's the case we will have no option but to raise our alert level to 'highly exaggerated'."
In the last hour, hundreds of people took no notice as a man sneezed in Braintree, Essex.
More on that development as soon as we get it.