Today only I can reveal those telephone conversations in full. Yes, the conversations the celebrities didn't want you to hear.
1. John Prescott. "Hello, Luigi? I want to order a delivery please. I'd like a super large meat feast with extra everything, two portions of garlic bread, four portions of spicy chicken wings, six tubs of barbecue beans, an extra large tub of ice cream and four bottles of coke. Right, what do you want, luv?"
2. Sir Alex Ferguson. "Hello, Real Madrid? Look, I'm having trouble keeping Ronaldo's transfer quiet. The papers wont go away. So, I'm gonna need more cash. Don't get cheap on me. I can always go to Man City."
3. Gordon Brown. "Tony? Tony? are you there you ****. you knew this country was ****** and you never said. Tony? I know you're there, you little ****. You got out and left me in the ****. Well, I'm bringing Mandy back. Yeah, you heard right. and he will dish the dirt."
4. Alan Shearer. "Er... er..... on me'ead son. i put the ball in the back of the net... er.... er... " "Hello, Mr Shearer? Look we just want to know if you need a new kitchen?" "Offside ref... handball."
I have fought off a legal challenge to prevent publication. More revelations will follow.