Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Education

Thursday, 9 July 2009

image for "Goodbye Mr Chips"
Chips had the whole school to beat and only 1 hour to do it in

St Bingo's was sad to say goodbye to its legendary science master, Mr Chips. After nearly 30 years he was leaving to take up a position at Ronnie Kray High School for Homicidal Maniacs. The staff room will be a much quieter place. PE master Dick Philpott said "It will be strange sitting in here and not hearing old Chippsy sharpening his knuckle dusters before class. He was a real pro. I learned so much from him."

Parents were also saddened at his departure. Mrs Edith Riggermortis said "My Kevin was one of his pupils. He sneezed in class. So Mr Chips shot him. Well, that's how they learn. Shoot the little bastards. Kevin never sneezed again. Or breathed for that matter."

St Bingo's head teacher Father Peter Willey said "Mr Chips was a great teacher but his methods have become rather dated. We no longer whip boys before mid-morning prayers. Now we just whip them without any prayers. Praying is discriminatory you see. Old Chips just couldn't change."

Chips celebrated his departure by attempting to kill 14 year old Tony Greig. He then sang the school song "You're Gonna Get Your Fucking Head Kicked In".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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