Written by Jim West (desperado)
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Wednesday, 20 March 2002

image for Dead Queen Mum causes havoc
Queen Mother in her heyday

The death of the Queen Mother has caused chaos throughout the world. The greatest effect is that to the most important institution in the world: British Television.

The two main channels, BBC1 and ITV1, have decided to cancel all programming on their channels until at least 2100, or, if possible, "forever", to pay tribute to the dead monarch.

"We're planning to repeat the same news story for the next hundred years," BBC controller Greg Dyke told TheSpoof.com. "We feel it necessary that we tribute such a remarkable woman, and this should replace such rubbish as 'The News'". Mr Dyke assured us that whoever first scheduled or thought up the idea of 'The News' should be sacked, and when legalised, hung. Meanwhile, a religious cult in America, who believed that the Queen Mother was Jesus' great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-etc grandaughter have taken part in a mass suicide.

A member of the cult told us, "She betrayed our beliefs. We could have sworn she was the one who would take us to the afterlife and give us eternal teenage porn without the FBI on our backs." The member promptly jumped off a cliff.

Finally, meteros...meterolost...metie.

Finally, weather forecasters are predicting that much of Britain will be under water by around June. The level of crying is thought to grow so high as to flood 84' of the country. "It's worrying statistics," said a MET office spokesperson.

"If the tears continue at the rate they are going, then we can say goodbye to cities like Southampton and Dover. Even cities that people mind getting flooded could be affected.

This isn't just a shitty area thing."It is generally agreed by world leaders that the Queen Mum's death was an unnecessary and unprovoked move that should be returned with immediate action, not talking. George Bush has said "Enough with the tributes! Let's blow Buckingham Palace apart! It deserves all it gets."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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