Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Police, G20 Summit

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

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The Metropolitan Police were confused about the controversial policy of "kettling" during the G20 demonstrations, an independent report stated earlier today.

"Kettling" is where a police officer makes 35,000 cups of tea for the protesters in a bid to calm things down. While the officer makes the tea, colleagues approach the demonstrators and say "Ooh, I know. Why don't we sit down and have a nice cup of tea. I've got Jaffa Cakes!"

The policy was controversially introduced by the new Chief Constable, Beryl Reed, in a bid to soften the image of the Met. However, the cost of tea and Jaffa Cakes for such large demonstrations will have to be bourn by the tax payer. This could lead to further demonstrations, greater costs and even more demonstrations. There would be no end.

The demonstrators were also rather confused by the offer of a "nice cuppa' from a nice coppa'" and reactions were mixed. One militant group became violent when the sugar ran out, whilst the chant "What do we want? A rich fruit cake. When do we want it? Now" was heard.

Chief Constable Beryl Reed said "Now, shall I be mother?'

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