Not since the days of Dr Beeching's axe has so much attention been paid to the few peasants who travel by train to their humdrum jobs in London financial institutions.
In a bid to reassure this focus group (known as "Yuppy Wankers" by the rest of society) that they are as important as they think they are, the rail network is to be re-nationalised.
This will mean a doubling of Income Tax will and that cars will have an immediate Purchase Tax of 200% imposed from tomorrow.
"Small, minimally polluting cars, such as the Singer sewing machine powered Fiat Cinquecento will be favoured with a 195% tax" said Prime Minister Gordon Broon at a Gay Pride rally in central Ipswich.
"My objective is to increase the Income Tax burden on the average family to where they can no longer afford a car, however small. In this way, we will increase control and place everyone in range of 26 CCTV cameras per mile".
Thus one-eyed, short sighted astigmatic Broon, who cannot see the 25 yards necessary to have a driving licence, outlined the future under Nu Labor.