Scottish Loser Andy Murray was tonight sensationally defeated by a Yankee Imperialist Dog and will not earn a fortune this year at Wimbledon. Unfortunately he ran into trouble in the form of some rabid English Nationalists as he queued for a "99" from Mr.Whippy parked outside Wimbledon.
Instead of enjoying the finest whipped ice cream that a Carpaggiano machine can dispense, the expressionless Celtic Pig was tied to the back of a pick up truck belonging to the Wimbledon & Merton bowling club then dragged screaming through the streets of East Putney, Sheen and the upmarket ghetto known as "Barnes" South of the river.
Murray was pelted with shoes and beheaded on Putney Bridge, his useless talentless miserable body was dumped in a skip near the Hurlingham Club where the clearly exhausted Merton Borough Militia then retired for Canapes & Nibbles washed down with Pimms & Lemonade.
Our reporter could just hear the frenzied mob screaming their battle cry from deep in the hallowed precincts of the Hurlingham Club "Come on Tim" ! they croaked, working themselves into a frenzy.