The Government is moving Christmas forward by several months so that consumers will be encouraged to spend more in shops.
Moving Christmas to August will hopefully encourage a spending blitz to boost the government's coppers.
Also, a 'Christmas' will be introduced on every second Saturday of each month with a compulsory 4-gift minimum.
The movie 'The Great Escape' will be screened non-stop and the Queen has been lined up to recorded a shit-load of boring Christmas speeches.
Opposing voices to the plan are relatively few, but the most vocal of them is Santa Claus who said he could barely cope with his regular workload when Christmas was in December.
"Me back will be in bits and the elves will have none of it, I tells ya!", he screamed.
A spokesperson for Turkey's said that the move would lead to a wipe out of the delicious, succulent birds as demand increased.
Acts like Wham, Shakin' Steven's and Cliff Richard are due for a massive money windfall come August.