Written by Earl Grey
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Thursday, 2 July 2009

image for Great Train Robber To Remain In Jail
Can You See The Train? No, Neither Can I.

A Great Train Robber must remain in jail. A man of straw, speaking on behalf of the Government, said "He's never even said that he was sorry for what he's done. This is something that is central to this Government's policy on crime. If you say sorry we will let you out of prison".

Richard Branston, the so-called Virgin Train Robber, was sentenced to 30 years for his part in the great privatisation scam. A group of criminals, led by Major John Grey, managed to steal the entire rail network from the British people without anyone noticing.

However, this crime was not enough for some of them. Branston was after more. He began to find new ways to extort cash from the public. He operated a protection racket where he demanded huge sums of money or you would never get to where you wanted to go to. He forced people to purchase overpriced food. Branston would then flee with the loot. Next the train would stop and everyone would have to travel by bus.

Branston was arrested and sentenced to thirty years in the top security Bahamas prison, specially built to house rich crooks who are friends with the Government. Now it looks like he will have to remain behind bars, drinking cocktails, because if he is ever seen here the people will hang him. "I'm in a bit of a pickle" he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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