Written by IainB
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Thursday, 2 July 2009

image for Britain swelters in the heat
Yorkshire....yesterday

With the news that today will be the hottest day in the history of Great Britain, forecasters are running out of countries to compare our current temperatures with. Monday saw temperatures exceed that of Greece, while Tuesday saw them soar past the Saharan maximum and Wednesday melted door knobs up and down the country as we sweltered in conditions more torrid than Death Valley.

"It's getting difficult to give people comparisons," said meteorologist, Mike Cod, on This Morning's Weather. "So all I will say is that Friday is going to be hotter than Hell."

Many interviews with the Man in the Street, who is actually Carol Singer of Didsbury, have revealed that the average Brit cannot take the heat.

"Oh, I can't take the heat," said Singer.

This has led to people complaining that it is too hot. These are the same people who complained it was too cold when Britain came to a stand still in one centimetre of snow.

"For a country obsessed by the weather," said French meteorologist, Hans Nees Bumpsadasi, in better English than any Londoner, "the British don't seem to cope with it very well, I wish that they would stop moaning and drink more coffee."

The Met Office has the following advice for commuters on Friday: Go naked. Wear no clothes at all.

With the heatwave showing no signs of abating, Kent has surprised many by lifting the hose pipe ban imposed in 1964.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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