Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: UK, flies, plague, Heatwave

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

image for UK Reels Under Plague Of Flies As Heatwave Kicks In
One Pictured Seconds Before It Got Twatted With A Rolled Up Newspaper

As the UK swelters in levels of heat and humidity not seen for a long time, a secondary scourge has lashed UK residents - flies.

The Met Office has delivered extreme weather warnings, but it appears nobody was prepared for the flies.

The pesky little insects have been congregating around wheelie bins and gardens, and have recently taken to invading houses.

"We've got them all this summer," entemologist Doctor Russell Crump told us. "We've got horseflies, greenfly, bluebottles, lacewings, mosquitoes, the lot. It's almost impossible to predict where it will all end. Basically, it depends on the weather."

Environmentalists blame fortnightly refuse collection for the plague, saying that leaving garbage outside in the hot sun only encourages the little blighters, and calling for a resumption of weekly refuse collections.

Arthur Pewty, of Neasden, allegedly an organised crime kingpin told us:

"This really is a plague. They go for a swim in your beer, so you have to throw it away. I mean, what a waste of money. You can't even escape 'em by retreating indoors. I mean it's really annoying when you're trying to watch TV or post inane articles on the internet to satirical websites and the little bleeders keep buzzing your head. I'm not exaggerating, but the number of flies swooping around my lounge resembles a mini-version of a Battle Of Britain aerial dogfight. It's a fucking disgrace really."

More fly related frivolity as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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