London, UK - HRH Prince Philip has made an urgent appeal that the British public 'give up on the monarchy' and become a republic. His remarks were made after his wife, Queen Elizabeth, had made an appeal for extra funding due to a shortfall of roughly £5m-a-year.
Said Prince Philip, "You see it costs about £40m a year in public funds to run this monarchy thingy. That money 'keeps the balls in the air' as it were. Then you've got to spend another £50m a year in security. That's what it costs to protect you from someone knocking the balls out of the air. So if you take a step back for a bit, you realize that it's all quite a bit ....silly."
"Now, Liz and I are getting a bit advanced in our years and quite frankly, at this stage in our lives, we could easily do with just a small condo down by the river and perhaps a nice winter getaway place on the Costa Brava; something low maintenance. We want to go somewhere that we can put our feet up, have a few 'cerveza preparadas' and relieve ourselves, both mentally and physically, of the burdens of our annual colonoscopies. It's increasingly difficult to do that when you've got over a hundred people milling about your house."
"And, quite frankly, I sometimes wonder what some of these people do. Just this morning I was passing a gentleman coming out of the public loo at Buck Palace and I said to him 'What is it you actually do around here?' And you know, he couldn't even give me a proper answer."
"We would like to start unloading some of our assets and get our lives in order. In fact, we may be able to unload the whole lot of them to an anonymous arab Sheik from one of those rich oil producing countries. So I say, let's get on with it. The ball is in your court. Go ahead. Make..my..day. "