Written by Ron Smith
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Topics: Bristol, Banksy

Thursday, 25 June 2009

image for Banksy Vandalised
Gordon 'Banksy' Banks' Famous 'Please Do Not P Here' Sign (Purchased By Brad Pitt)

Another vandal has vandalised some vandalism by the former England goalkeeper Gordon Banks. "I'm gutted", he said. "This is worse than losing an eye in a car crash." A sentiment shared by many Bristol councillors, gutted by the loss of revenue from this new found tourist attraction. The Lord Mayor of Bristol, Christopher Davies said, "When Gordon first started painting mice on the walls, we didn't like it and cleaned it off. Now it's worth money, we are gutted that someone has vandalised this art by throwing paint at it. I wish they were dead."

After stopping Pelé from scoring a goal, Banksy's career nosedived. In the 1970's he started up a successful graffiti cleaning business after visiting America and seeing someone else doing the same thing. "Work was hard to find in the UK, the only graffiti was either 'Kilroy Was Here' or a funny faced man looking over a wall, then I had the bright idea to paint graffiti myself and charge people lots of money to clean it off. I discovered I was better at spray painting than spray cleaning and my work started to generate interest when people said it was worth a lot of money." Bristol councillor 'Potato' Murphy said, "As soon as we realised that Banksy's graffiti was worth money, we promoted and protected it and felt ashamed for spending millions of pounds destroying it and for taking back-handers, being liars, hypocrites and most of all - we were ashamed that we were idiots."

Gordon Banks, whose exhibition in Bristol has been a success said, "Peter Bonetti was crap and lost England the 1970 World Cup. I hate Italians!" He also thanked the care home staff for holding the ladder and helping him choose the colours of his spray paint, as he is blind.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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