Written by Jenny Wheeler
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Wednesday, 24 June 2009

It was reported last night that a man was in critical danger when he was found hanging off the white cliffs of Dover.

The man in his 50's and allegedly from North London, is said to have been literally pushed out of his town by the sheer size of the population, due to a massive influx of migrants who now have British passports.

He has been pushed to such a point that he is hanging on for dear life on the edge of a cliff.

He has yet to identify himself, merely shouting remarks at passers by such as 'this is what happens when you have an open door policy' and 'why would you give any of them passports? They're all here for the benefits'.

A local policeman who wasn't willing to help him added "Every hour only adds more danger to his situation as thousands more foreigners pour into our island. We predict that by tomorrow, he will still be hanging on. But only by his fingernails".

The Coastguard who were circling around the area laughing at the man, refused to comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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